After campground hopping for 3 weeks while apartment hunting, we returned to Ky to retrieve our things and park our little camper. It was bittersweet. It was hard saying goodbye to our family, especially my sweet stepson, who was so disappointed he couldn't accompany his Nana and Papaw who were going to follow us up to help us get settled. It was a very hectic and busy morning. We had been staying in the camper while in town, so it had to be emptied out and packed up last minute. We spent the few days we were there emptying 1 of the 2 storage units we had rented to store our belongings. The Uhaul had to be picked up that morning and loaded. Anything we weren't taking had to be moved to the other unit or my mother in law's attic. We were so busy, I hadn't had time to really stop and take note of how I felt. We were way behind schedule. I kept it all together until the last minute. The last goodbye. My daughter. The one person in the world who had literally been by my side since I was only a girl because I had her so young. Our lives together flashed through my mind. All the crappy relationships she watched me go through as a single mom. All the nights I couldn't handle what I'd seen at work that day and she saw me cry. All the financial hardships. Seeing me frantically trying to get our personal belongings out of our car when it was being repossessed. Praying with me when we realized we were going to loose our home and not sure what to do. She saw me walk around numb, in a zombie like, sleep deprived state when I was pregnant with her little sister and trying to stay at the hospital with my own mom who was dieing of Cancer. She'd seen me fail over and over, yet she loved and respected me anyway. I remembered looking for her in the crowd when I was accepting my college diploma. She and my son were sitting with the parents of a friend I had made that was also graduating because I had no other family of my own attend. I saw her beautiful smile when I asked her to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding. I thought of late night heart to hearts and making pancakes at 3 a.m. I remembered the day she came to me and asked if my husband would consider adopting her. She was all gown up. I knew when I left that day things would never be the same. We were each embarking on our own adventures, and for the first time.... separately. I've never in my life felt so conflicted. I felt fear and worry about if she'd be okay on her own with me so far away, but proud of her ambition and excited for where this world was taking her. I felt a true sense of loss yet so much gratitude for these memories that had built this indestructible relationship between us. I thought alot during that long car ride. I wondered if she realized how broken my heart was, if I had been a good mother, and if she truly understood how very much I loved her. Was she scared too? It's been 3 months and I still have not yet been able to see her again. I talk with her on the phone, but it's just not the same. I knew during that teary goodbye I was going to miss my daughter desperately. What I didn't realize, is I would also miss the best friend I would ever have. If you're reading this, I miss you my sweet Charity.
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