Get Your GropeOn

WARNING: PG Suggestive Content. Not appropriate for young readers.

We were still newbies to city life, but quickly adjusting. My husband had settled in at his new job, which had good days and bad. Though he enjoyed being outdoors, the manual labor was exhausting. A tropical storm had passed through the area, leaving downed branches, mud, and flooding in some areas. That along with the continuous rain and wind made for a particularly tough week. I really wanted to do something nice for this man who had been working so hard and recently had a birthday he more or less skipped due to the chaos of getting settled and the money strain. I received a coupon from Groupon to take an extra $10 off any service or product of $20 or more. Neither of us had ever had a professional massage and I remembered he once mentioned he might like to try it. I found a special for $20 for 1 hour. I quickly ordered it and was so proud of myself for being a good, yet thrifty wife. He was so excited. The next day I took our two girls and walked around the local shops while we waited for their presumably relaxed daddy to finish up. He met me back at our truck, pale as a ghost. He was trying to drive us home by following the gps because we still weren't familiar with the area. He was so distraught he eventually had to pull over after realizing he'd made several wrong turns. He went on to explain that his masseuse had a very thick accent and was difficult to understand. He was sweating by this point. He then explained that everything was fine until near the end. He was a bit uncomfortable in the towel but had managed to relax and had about 15 minutes left of his service when the young lady asked him to roll over. He then awkwardly rolled over but saw nothing unusual about this as he was still fully covered with the towel. She then proceeded to tuck the towel around him similarly to the way a diaper would fit. At this point he was feeling a bit silly, but knew his time was almost up and nothing was exposed, so he just closed his eyes, trying to relax. He then heard her say, "You want this?" He assumed she meant to continue what she was doing and said, "Yeah, that's fine." He realized he was mistaken when she followed up with, "40 dollar cash." He opened his eyes to see what she was referring to, knowing we had already paid for the full hour on Groupon. She then pointed to his private area and repeated, "You want this? $40 cash. ATM outside." He then quickly said "No, No, I don't want that!" He said she grew very quiet and awkwardly continued the massage. He spent the remainder of the session replaying the conversation in his head, trying to determine if there was any way he could be mistaken, but was pretty convinced by her demeanor for the remainder of the time that he was correct. So his mind then wondered to who had been on that table before him and how thoroughly she had washed her hands. As soon as she left the room, he rushed to get dressed and tried to exit as quickly as possible. The lady at the desk stopped him and held up a chart with 3 tipping options. He was so shook up he just told her it didn't matter and didn't realize until later looking at the receipt that he had tipped her $20, when the massage was only $10. He made us go straight home so he could shower. After he calmed down, he was upset with me, the good thrifty wife, for sending him there. He eventually forgave me. Poor guy. Though it was quite funny, I really did feel bad. We contemplated contacting law enforcement and reporting it, but decided not to just in case it was a misunderstanding caused by the language barrier, which is the same reason I didn't list their name here. I'm sure they have many reputable businesses on their site, but I don't think we'll be using GropeOn anytime soon.