Shell Shocked

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We were shell shocked. We had just caught our breath from the exhausting, yet amazing experience of parenting our baby girl free from diapers and breastfeeding. Though stable, we weren't exactly living the life of luxury in our crowded little house and definitely were not financially prepared for this little surprise.

Though now I can't recollect why I cared, at the time I was insecure about what people were going to say. Would they think we were irresponsible given our living situation? We saw our dreams of one day moving to the beach slipping further and further away.

We postponed telling anyone as long as we could without upsetting them later by not informing them timely. We just needed a little time to adjust to the idea ourselves. Despite my anxiety I was also excited. I knew life was going to be a little harder but I was so proud of our little girl and the joy she had brought into the lives of so many others, not just us.

Though caring for small children had proven to be more challenging and required a lot more energy now that I was a bit older, I had also come to appreciate and savor every moment more. Having older children made me regretful of moments missed and optimistic about all the sweet memories that a new baby brings.

I looked back on my sweet Gabby's 1st words and 1st steps with pride and nostalgia. How blessed I was to get to do it all again. It would be okay. One way or another, we'd figure it out. I knew my husband was not quite as certain as I was. I could sense his fear when we would talk about it.

I reminded him of our relationship when our last baby came into our lives and how she only deepened our bond. Watching him with her was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I was able to see a whole other side of him that was vulnerable and tender hearted.

So what if we had nowhere to put a crib and once again, didn't have the luxury of having a nursery. We always managed to get by. Our kids were not spoiled by far and didn't have everything they wanted, but we loved them so very much and always managed make sure their needs were met. It was time to embrace our changing dynamic. We were having a baby.