In a valiant effort to slow life down and relax for a bit, we decided to postpone all wedding plans until after the baby came. I tried to stay off my feet as much as possible, but bed rest equaled lots of time to think. Given the recent life changing events I'd been through, this only led to more stress and worry. My whole body ached. The doctor was making me come in weekly now.
I had been cramping quite a bit, which became my new normal, when I went in for my 32 week visit. I had dilated to 2 and he was concerned my cerclage, (the stitches in my cervix to avoid preterm labor), wasn't going to hold. Given the added dangers that could occur if it ripped, he decided it was time.
I'd never prayed so hard in my life. I was so frightened! It was too soon. What did this mean for my baby? Was she going to be sick? Did I have to worry about her surviving? I couldnt loose her too! Why was this happenening?! We called all of our family and went over to the hospital to be admitted. They didn't waste any time. They took me in and removed the cerclage immediately. They gave it a couple of hours, but other then increasing contractions, nothing happened. He then broke my water. The contractions were stronger now, but still little progress.
Several more hours passed. The pain was intense, but I tried to put off the epideral as long as possible because they said it could slow my progress even more. It was hard to get excited. The concerns for the baby's health along with the constant memory that my mom wasn't going to be there cast a dark shadow on everything. They started meds to move things along. Soon after, the pain was excruciating. I agreed to the epideral. I was shaking so bad, it was hard to get it inserted. After several painful tries we got it, only to figure out it was too late to take effect. My legs became numb but the pain everywhere else was only intensifying.
I finally dialted enough to move to the delivery room. I looked up and there was a mural of a blue sky and clouds on the ceiling. Of course, this only made me cry harder, thinking of my mother. I pushed as long and hard as I could. I was exhausted. I wanted to floor Brad when yelled out, "Push through it"! Luckily, I couldn't reach the doctor either, when he said I had a lazy cervix. If they could have read my mind, they would have known how brave their comments actually were. They told me I had to push harder or the baby would go into distress. I forced myself to continue and soon saw a beautiful baby girl.
There are no words to describe the feeling in my heart when they laid her on my chest. She was perfect. Despite the scar tissue that was supposed to make having another baby impossible, despite the turmoil that was my life during the pregnancy, and despite coming so early.....she was absolutely perfect. Her daddy cried when he held her. You could physically feel the love ouzing out of him as he looked at her.
Born March 21st, 2012, less than a month after loosing my mother, our baby was here. We named her Virginia Gabrielle. Virginia being his grandmother's name and where our story began, it seemed fitting. Though I would always miss my mother, the darkness left my heart when I looked at that little face. The face that brought so much hope and love into our lives. The face of my own little miracle.
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